Clown Core. Idk. Shitty day. Free-writing for 15 minutes because I actually want to do a thing. Some thing. Any thing.
Is it getting stuck in victim mentality if you A) are at least asking that question or making efforts to not be in victim mentality, and B) are coming from a position of being a second hand victim and not a first hand victim? Idk. Does anybody else ask these questions, to keep their egos, and bull shit in-check, or just me and the handful of smart people who shine through (rise to the top with the scum too)? The ratio is probably the same; mindful to selfish, influencers to civilians. When does understanding and tolerance, become tolerating abuse? Does completely disrupting our lives and destroying the fragile foundation that we do have, count for "being triggered"? I don't know any more. I wonder if I am a victim of my own refusal to accept myself as a victim. Almost definitely. I need help. I hope someone from {current job} can and will help. I have to reach out. I do not know what to do when she is trauma responding. It is all cyclical nonsense and I need to just avoid it all together. I'm worried that will be come the issue. It will. "I" am the issue always. This would be so much nicer if I was writing about music or reading from Lex's list. I don't ask for much really. Wtf. Earplugs come tomorrow. Pretty excited about that. Idk if it will help M at all really, but it might be huge. Who knows?
Literally no one.
Louis Cole is so amazing. I want to do a lyrics dive since I have literally avoided lyrical content with vigor my entire life and music consumption career. I'll start with LC. Knower. I'm also torn on getting into music theory or not. Like, will it ruin things for me...
Reyna is going to rule the universe. Or her own little world. Either way, it will be awesome for her and anybody who knows her.
